MANIPULATION TACTICS

Manipulation tactics are ways in which emotional abusers use to attack their victims. They are used to control a person by destroying their self confidence and cultivating a deep dependence on the abuser. Manipulation is a form of emotional abuse tht aims to exploit, control, or influence others to one's advantage. Manipulation targets and controls how someone feels, thinks, and behaves in order for the Manipulator to get what they want.

WHAT ARE MANIPULATIN TACTICS:

GUILT INDUCTION: The Manipulator may imply something bad has happened to you because of someone else, or they may play on your insecurities to make you feel guilty. This includes "Playing the Victim."

INGRIATION: Manipulators will deliberately establish themselves in your good graces to get something from you or to get ahead.

DECEIT: Manipulators may be dishonest by misrepresenting or hiding truth.

GOALS OF A MANIPULATOR: The goal of the Manipulator is to gain influence to get their needs met(Power and Control). Manipulators goals may also include:

• To avoid being controlled.

• To put you on the defensive.

• To make you doubt yourself and your perceptions.

• To hide their aggressive intent.

• To avoid responsibility.

• To not have to change.

WHO ARE THE MANIPULATORS:

Manipulators are those who take advantage of any relationship and will try to emotionally manipulate and/or abuse the relationship. This may include toxic people, abusive parents, overbearing in-laws, bosses, neighbors, roommates, friends, relatives, etc.

WHY PEOPLE USE MANIPULATION TACTICS:

1. They have a Cluster B Personality Disorder( Narcissistic Personality Disorder/Hyperbolic Personality Disorder).

2. They have been raised in a household where manipulation tactics were regularly used.

3. They have a fear of losing control or being judged.

4. They have poor communication skills which hamper their ability to communicate needs effectively.

5. They trigger defense mechanisms.

6. They have an anxious attachment to things.

THE FOUR STAGES OF MANIPULATION:

1. FLATTERY. In the first stage, the Manipulator will put on a façade of being caring, kind, and helpful. They will act like they want to help you with anything you want or need. In reality, the Manipulator is trying to get what they want out of you.

2. ISOLATION. Isolation is when the Manipulator will try to isolate you from your friends and family. They will try to convince you that your loved ones do not understand you, want you, or want to control you. The goal of the Manipulator is to separate you from people who may be able to spot the manipulation.

3. DEVALUING AND GASLIGHTING: During this stage, the Manipulator may try to make you feel guilty or confused. They might tell you you are ungrateful or that you are making them unhappy. At this stage, the goal is to make you doubt yourself, your instincts, an decisions. WARNING: It is very hard to break from this stage.

4. FEAR OF VIOLENCE. The final stage is hen the Manipulator begins to threaten you. They may threaten to leave you, hurt you, or hurt themselves as a way to keep you under their control with fear. It is also hard to break from this stage if someone is threatening you with fear.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED:

• You will try to ignore your gut. You start to ignore all the red flag warnings that something is not right. You ignore this feeling and will try to convince yourself everything is fine.

• You wonder if it is you. You will start to doubt yourself and your own motives. You begin to question your capabilities to handle certain situations.

• You feel guilty. You will start to feel guilty or embarrassed for acting certain ways. To stop the guilt and embarrassment you give in to the Manipulator to relieve your guilt.

• Your sense of self is blurred. When you start feeling you have lost yourself, you have been manipulated by the Manipulator. This means you give up on your own opinions and interests to avoid conflict.

• You walk on eggshells. Fear cannot only be a reaction to a threat, it can also be a hesitation to act or say certain things in order to avoid conflict or friction. You can become anxious and think of your decisions in terms of "what will the Manipulator think?"

• You begin to question your mental health. Manipulators make you feel confused and insecure about your behaviours, emotions, and your own mental well being. You begin to wonder if something is wrong with you mentally. Gaslighting often causes this feelng to happen. When you are gaslighted, you start to question your very own memory and well being to the point you are not sure whether things even happened at all.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF MANIPULATION TACTICS:

GASLIGHTING: Gaslighting is used to make you question yourself, including your memory, trusting yourself, trusting your sanity, questioning your feelings, and even your very own identity. The Manipulator will use gaslighting by calling you "crazy" or use the situation to instill doubt in yourself. The Manipulator will do this so you will trust and automatically do what they say without any questions. This gives the Manipulator ultimate control.

PROJECTION: Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person puts their own feelings, characteristics, or desires onto another person. The Manipulator will take what they feel and want and project it onto you in order to avoid how that makes them feel or look.

CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE: The Manipulator can shape what your life and daily activities look like. This can include: controlling access to your money, prevent you from furthering your education, or restrit hat friends you can and cannot spend time with. The main goal of a Manipulator in controlling your daily activities is to make you feel you cannot function or make decisions without them.

TRIANGULATION: Triangulation is when two people disagree and a third party gets pulled in to sway which side "wins." The Manipulator will strategically use this tactic to ensure that their side wins the argument. This can include the Manipulator choosing a third party who will agree with them or frontloading the information so it is more favorable towards the Manipulator's side. This encourages you to ask less questions and eventually stop questioning the Manipulator altogether. This can also be used to increase your sense of isolation and dependence on the Manipulator.

GENERALIZATIONS: Generalizations are traits which are applied to an entire group of people or demographics. A Manipulator will use this to encourage you to load or present yourself in a way in which the Manipulator sees as agreeable and easy to control.

NAMECALLING: A Manipulator will often label your personality traits with negative words. The purpose of this is to make you believe you are less than, and convince you that you are not worthy of better treatment. This can start with small offenses and build up and intensify in frequency toat you become desensitized to it and be accustom to it.

MOVING THE GOAL POST: This happens when a Manipulator changes the rules of a situation midway in order to prevent you from succeeding. You could be given additional stipulations needed for success or highlight disqualifying elements to your success. A Manipulator will use this to keep you in a constant state of chasing their approval.

LOVE BOMBING: Love bombing is when someone bombards you with affection, intense emotions, and an excess of their time and energy. This can include gift giving, elaborate declarations of love/admiration, and spending all their time and energy pleasing you. A Manipulator will use the love bombing to build trust and intimacy. this can give you an ideal interaction to pursue. In this way, the Manipulator preys on your natural desires to feel wanted and appreciated, thus increasing your chance of becoming devoted to them.

CHANGING THE SUBJECT: A Manipulator will use passive aggressive actions to punish you or make you feel devalued. When you make a valid point in a conversation or receive a compliment from another person, the Manipulator will always change the subject to prevent you from gaining confidence. The Manipulator will also make you feel you cannot get praise from any other source than the Manipulator, and you start to question your own abilities and intelligence.

PLAYNG ON INSECURITIES: Heads up. Manipulators are highly skilled and will notice your insecurities and will try to intensify them. Manipulators will target you with shame, which is an internalized feeling of inadequacy. Shame is also a powerful emotion that you try to avoid. When pain is triggered, this could encourage you to comply with the Manipulator to avoid feeing pain in the future. The Manipulator will find your unique triggers and sensitivities and use them against you.

THE SILENT TREATMENT: It is normal for you to emotionally and verbally shut down if you are being flooded with emotions; however, it can be used intentionally to manipulate you. The Manipulator will shut down communication and connection as a form of punishment. This can include withholding love, communication, affection, and intimacy.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS: Passive aggressive communication is when someone says or indicates something without outright saying what they want. It can take on many forms, including sarcasm, pouting,, or back handed compliments. If this happens to you, it will have you in a constant state of monitoring, guessing, adjusting, and anticipating the Manipulator's moods and reactions. This keeps the focus and power on the Manipulator so you do not have time and attention to evaluate your own feelings.

BEING DISMISSIVE OR DIMINISHING: When you make valid contributions in a group or a group discussion, or have success, The Manipulator can react with dismissing or making diminished comments in order to maintain control. This can look like your success was not earned, your comments are not valid, and they are not worthy of others attention or consideration.

TREATING YOU AS A CHILD: The Manipulator will try to treat you as younger or less capable, or even as a child. This is a form of gaslighting that is specifically geared in reducing your trust in yourself to handle responsibility. The Manipulator will try to talk down to you as being less intelligent, step in and take over a task you are involved in. They will treat you as though you are incapable of handling it.

LYING: The Manipulator will often lie to control or coerce you to avoid blame or consequence for their actions.

BLAMING THE VICTIM FOR THE ABUSE: If you try to speak up about emotional abuse, most likely the Manipulator will try to shut you down by trying to convince you that you have done something wrong to earn the emotional manipulation. "You should have known better because o XYZ." when this happens, it will leave you second guessing your actions and will try to lead you to avoid a negative interaction with the Manipulator.

USING GUILT TRIPS: The Manipulator will use guilt trips in order to try to change how you feel. This involves "if , then: situations. i.e. "If you go out with friends, then I'm going to be sad." Remember, the Manipulator's long term goal is to convince you not to do something again in the future without discussing it with the Manipulator first.

USING THREATS OR COERCION: Anytime one uses a threat to force or convince you to do something, it is considered emotional manipulation. This could include threats to leave you or take away something important in your life if you do not comply with what the Manipulator wants you to do. Sometimes, it involves a threat from the Manipulator to hurt themselves. It is important to take threats of self harm seriously; however, hold your boundaries for your own emotional and physical safety. This is critical. If the Manipulator threatens self harm, encourage them to get professional help.

PROTECTING YOURSELF AGAINST BEING MANIPULATED:

You can protect yourself from being manipulated by trusting yourself, your observations, along with checking in with our own intuition(gut feelings). When you trust yourself, you have better self awareness. This involves understanding your triggers, emotional needs, your insight. You will then know your truth and will react with a calm, cool head and a balanced heart. You can avoid being manipulated by:

1. KNOWING THE SIGNS: People who are manipulated will often exhibit a certain type of behaviour. Watch out for people who are overly friendly, makes empty promises, or tries to make someone feel guilty.

2. BEING AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS: The Manipulator will try to evoke strong emotions from you. They will play on your emotions. Remember, the Manipulator really cannot control your emotions only you can.

3. STAYING CALM: It is important to stay calm and stay in control of yourself. Do not lose your cool with the Manipulator wen they try to manipulate you. Do not let them get under your skin.

4. AVOIDING PERSONALIZATIONS: Even though manipulation can be hurtful, do not internalize it. The behaviour of the manipulator has nothing to do with you. It has to do with their inability to meet their own needs.

5. LISTENING: When you listen to the Manipulator with empathy, you can recognize what their needs and wants are. This does not mean you have to do what they want. It means you understand their needs and wants.

6. RESPECTING YOUR BOUNDARIES: After you have listened to the Manipulator's wants and needs are, make sure you have your boundaries and limits in check. Do not give the Manipulator your time. When the Manipulator sees their tactics will not work, they will stop and move on.

7. TELLING SOMENE YOUR TRUST: If you are dealing with someone who is manipulating, it is okay to tell someone who is a close friend or family member about what you are experiencing. This can help you heal. Close friends and family can have good advice and feedback and they will listen to your needs.